Rob Maher

Originally published August 18, 2010.

So I go to Arby’s the other day. Total comes to $4.49. I give the guy a 5 dollar bill and two quarters. He takes the money, looks at the cash register then looks back at the money with a confused look. He pushes some buttons on the register, grabs a dollar bill and looks at me for approval. He then starts fumbling around for nickels. Nickels! He grabs a few, pauses, stares back at the register then finally figures it and drops the nickels, grabs a penny and hands me back the correct change.

Want to know the worst part about all this?

The kid was fucking ASIAN!

I rely on stereotypes people. I can’t have this. So I say to the dude, how can you be Asian and be so awful at math? He gets real angry with me and says stereotypes are moronic and only idiots subscribe to them. He then gets in a full karate stance, karate chop to my ribs, sweeps my leg and does two karate chops to my face. He runs out to the parking lot, gets in his Toyota Supra and drives off, drifting around every turn. Life’s a bitch.

The curly fries were still awesome, though.

Originally published March 19, 2008.

As many of you probably know I am a regular guest on 98 Rock’s Irresponsible Radio. I am on every Tuesday night to be exact. We started a new segment where I analyze people’s dreams. I’ve always had a gift for this or maybe I am just really good at bullshitting.

I’ll let you be the judge.

Listen to part one as I tackle Denise’s recurring dream about being robbed while have the neighbor’s dog in the car, Carla and her disco ball throwing up dog and Bradley’s shark issues. Then listen with amazement and wonderment as I pull the truth out of Dee and her being chased dream.

Make sure you listen to part one first, then part two.