I’ve noticed a trend these days where women out at the bars and clubs are putting glitter on their chest. Please stop this Ladies. This is completely unnecessary. You don’t need to bring any more attention to your cleavage. We are already looking at your breasts. You had me at C-Cup. What you should do is put the glitter on something we don’t normally notice, like your personality or the fact that you have kids. So no more glitter please. Glitter is for strippers and goldschlager, not for karaoke night at Applebees.

Another thing I don’t get is the whole tying the cherry stem in your mouth trick. I guess its supposed to be erotic or something because you are able to manipulate your tongue around a stem. That might work if you trying to pick up a woman but I think I speak for all guys here, we don’t want you to tie our penis into a knot. If you really want to impress us, swallow the cherry stem or kiss it into another girls mouth. Maybe rub a bunch on your chest. Work with me ladies. You’re welcome.