Originally published July 16, 2007.

I was emceeing the Funniest Fed (funniest federal employee) contest at the Arlington Cinema N Draft House. It was the semifinals and the crowd was packed. I go up and do my thing. Crowd was hot, good set for me. I bring up the first contestant,  “Caucasian Skills.” Yes, he made me call him that. It turns out his name was only half accurate if you get what I am saying. He is struggling a bit or more like a lot. He starts doing impressions. He starts doing a Hulk Hogan impression. Very random. The impression consisted of him just basically flexing and growling. “Urghhhhhh, where my Hulkamaniacs at?” They must have been out saying their prayers and taking their vitamins because they were not in the crowd that night. Literally, the second he stops the impression all the power in the place goes out. Darkness! It was storming outside and the whole block was taken out. Yes, the impression was that bad. I have been heckled before, booed but never have I had God strike lightning down on me. That’s some heavy shit. Throughout all the chaos a girl in the front row yells, “Get on the mic and tells us what to do!” Apparently, she didn’t realize that the power was out which means no electricity which nothing that uses electricity works! The mic isn’t solar powered. It’s not a hybrid. Moron. I found her later and we fucked. It was electric. The show is canceled and rescheduled for the following Thursday. I emcee again. Caucasian Skills performs again. No Hulk Hogan impression this time. No power outage. Thank God, literally.