Originally published November 23, 2006.

I recently performed at the DC Improv with Pablo Francisco. Pablo has this habit of destroying every show. This week was no different. He was also very complimentary of my act so I have declared him a comic genius. Now, enough about him, let’s talk about how awesome I was. I kicked major ass this past week. The crowds were amazing and were ready at the jump. Every bit worked on every show and my new closer made us all feel closer to God. I will be putting some clips up soon from the week. It is an absolute joy to perform at the DC Improv. I love being on that stage. It fucking rocks! What also rocks is all the amazing people I met over the week and all the new friends I made. Special shout out goes to Anette, for I very well may have fallen in love with you. I probably shouldn’t tip my hand but, oh well.

Sunday night deserves its own paragraph for it was an interesting night. There was a guy in the front row that had a two-second delay thing happening. He would repeat the last punch line of each of my jokes. It was hilarious. If we were a rap group, we’d be Kid and Replay. Then came the after show, hanging out in the lobby. This girl walks up to me and tells me how funny I was. I tell her thank you and then ask her if she wants to make out. She says yes. I grab her hand and lead her back behind the bar, the whole time waiting for her to say just kidding. I go in slowly still expecting her to back out. Well, she was a champ. No backing off for her. Full makeout session with a stranger ensues. I give her my card and tell her to MySpace me. I get home that night and waiting for me is a MySpace message. Turns out she is only 19 years old. I just made out with a teenager, a sober one at that. Sweet!!! Being a dirty old man is fun. After the making out, we rejoined everyone else. Turns out one of her friends is a magician. He starts doing card tricks for everyone. I wanted him to suck ass but he was actually really good. He was taking all the attention away from me, and I can’t have that because I have self-esteem issues. So now I am dueling with a magician for everyone’s attention. He’s pulling the Jack of Hearts out of girls asses and I’m dropping sarcasm. Sarcasm is getting its ass beat. I just made 250 people laugh and made out with a complete stranger and now I am being outshined by a pimply-faced 18 year old wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt, all because he can turn the 2 of Spades into the Jack of Hearts. Damn him! I should’ve been a magician.